


desultory

by blondsehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 23:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2829521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondsehun/pseuds/blondsehun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“i’m not the most supportive or the most loving, but i do love you jongin.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	desultory

**Author's Note:**

> written for [ohunlimited @ lj](http://ohunlimited.livejournal.com/), this is the revised version

sehun tries his best to get his phone from his back without upsetting his drink, or dropping the many sketchbooks cradled in his arm, but his jeans are too tight. he stops walking to set his books down on a bench and cautiously places his starbucks cup on top of the pile before fishing out his phone.

 

 

“hello?”

 

 

“s-she-hun,” the sound comes in static and is unbelievably loud. sehun spins on his heel to face the other direction and takes two steps forward for better reception.

 

 

“yes, hello?”

 

 

“where are you? i can hardly hear you.”

 

 

“who is this?” sehun frowns. he can barely make out what’s being said.

 

 

“it’s jon-jongin. sehun, it’s quarter to four.”

 

 

“i know what time it is.” sehun snaps, “what do you need jongin? my appointment is in ten.”

 

 

“my audition is today, was today… half an hour ago.” sehun can hear rustling and the faint sound of jongin talking to someone else, but jongin’s sigh is clear enough to be heard when he returns his focus on sehun. “you remember, don’t you? you said you’d be here.”

 

 

sehun’s frown deepens, for other reasons, “look, i’m sorry, but I have to get to this appointment. it’s important, more important than a hobby.”

 

 

jongin doesn’t respond.

 

 

“i’ll see you tonight, bye.” sehun hangs up and shoves his phone back in his pocket.

 

 

he collects his sketchbooks after tossing out his coffee (it was cold anyway) and hurries across the road to the seoul art gallery.

 

 

 

 

 

sehun is sitting on the floor of his home studio when jongin walks in; carrying the smell of chinese take-out in with him. he glances over sehun’s shoulder.

 

 

“how’d it go?” he asks. he walks over to the computer desk in the far corner and leans back against it, “do they want you?”

 

 

“they told me they’d call within a week-”

 

 

“that’s good.” jongin slides back into a seated position on the tabletop.

 

 

“-if they don’t find someone else.”

 

 

jongin’s mouth opens just the slightest, reassurance heavy on his tongue, and closes his mouth without a word. he turns his attention to the plastic cup holding assorted colored pencils of different brands and picks through them.

 

 

“how was your audition?” sehun asks, looking up from his current project to jongin.

 

 

jongin pushes the cup away and sets his hand down. “i waited for you, but then left before last class.”

 

 

“what? why?”

 

 

“i couldn’t go through with it.”

 

 

the guilt bubbles in sehun’s throat and he averts his gaze to the painting hung behind jongin. a murky finger painting of a ‘giraffe’ he had made in pre-school. “i’m sorry.” he address the painting.

 

 

sehun looks back down at his project and smudges a line of charcoal with his thumb.

 

 

“there’ll be more opportunities.” jongin responds with a smile. he bounces a little when he gets off the desk and he walks over to where sehun is sitting to sit beside him.

 

 

sehun sets the piece of charcoal down and analyzes his portrait of an unnamed man.

 

 

jongin leans over just the slightest to rest his chin on sehun’s shoulder, facing sehun, and presses a kiss to the clothed area.

 

 

“jongin.”

 

 

“mhm,” jongin hums as he continues to kiss along sehun’s shoulder.

 

 

sehun brings a hand up to cup the side of jongin’s face, unintentionally smearing charcoal dust along the apple of jongin’s cheek as he does so, and brings him in closer. he kisses jongin as an unspoken apology and jongin sighs contentedly against his lips. sehun can smell the peppermint toothpaste on his breath.

 

 

he twists jongin around to lay him down, by chance on his latest drawing. jongin smiles up at him as sehun runs his hands up under jongin’s sweatshirt. jongin’s skin is so soft, so warm, and sehun makes sure to drag his fingers over every dip and ridge of jongin’s torso.

 

 

he leans down to mouth along jongin’s jaw, savoring the salty taste of skin until jongin pulls him in for a proper kiss. jongin parts his lips allowing for sehun to curl his tongue around his teeth and to twist against his own tongue.

 

 

sehun works the zipper of jongin’s jeans and tugs them down until jongin can shake them off. sehun gets up just long enough to remove his own clothing; he tosses them to the side, ignoring the rattling sound coming from where they landed. he kneels and crawls back over jongin.

 

 

sehun’s movements are slow and precise as he rocks into jongin. jongin titles his head back, mouth open, a blush high on his cheeks.

 

 

both reach their climax at the same time. sehun stills with his back arched at a near painful angle, forehead pressed to jongin’s chest, and he cries out. jongin quivers beneath him and brings a hand up to grab a handful of sehun’s hair.

 

 

sehun sits up on his legs and jongin follows him. jongin let’s go of sehun’s hair and rests forward against sehun’s chest, he kisses sehun’s collarbones and strokes sehun’s sides.

 

 

when sehun looks over jongin’s shoulder he can see what’s left of his work. now wet with sweat the charcoal is smeared every which way and there are wads of dust and sweat stuck along the paper edges. sehun doesn’t have to see jongin’s back to know that it’s equally messy.

 

 

jongin repositions himself at sehun’s side and puts a leg over sehun’s lap. sehun rearranges the drawing to face him while jongin noses the ball of his shoulder.

 

 

“i like it better this way,” jongin says, “it has more emotion.” a playful smile tugs at his lips.

 

 

“i want to be alone” is sehun’s response.

 

 

jongin removes his leg from sehun’s lap and gets to his feet. he leaves his clothes in a pile at sehun’s side and walks out. sehun waits for the click of the door shutting before placing a hand flat on the paper and using the other to tear the paper in half.

 

 

 

 

jongin joins sehun in the shower the next morning. he moves up behind sehun and runs a hand up sehun’s font to rest his hand flat against his chest.

 

 

sehun lifts his head up from under the showerhead spray. watered down dye runs down his back and turns the water at their feet a light pink. jongin wiggles his toes.

 

 

“what are you doing?” sehun asks, voice still rough with sleep.

 

 

“i’m saving on water.” jongin replies. he steps closer to press his chest flush against sehun’s back and wraps his arms around sehun’s waist.

 

 

“this is hardly saving on water.” sehun laughs.

 

 

when jongin steps out of the shower he manages to miss the bathmat entirely and tracks a trail of wet footprints across the bathroom to where sehun is standing. sehun is holding a towel tight around his waist while digging through the towel basket for a clean towel to give jongin.

 

 

“maybe we should do laundry.” jongin reasons when sehun finally pulls one free.

 

 

“later.”

 

 

jongin raises an eyebrow.

 

 

“taemin texted me last night, he said auditions run all weekend.”

 

 

“sehun i-”

 

 

“it’s fine.” sehun fishes out another towel for his hair. “you can still audition, so we’re going to the dance hall.”

 

 

“you woke up early for this?” jongin asks.

 

 

“yes.” sehun responds.

 

 

jongin smiles.

 

 

 

 

 

sehun is the only one in the waiting area when jongin walks out of the audition. he’s propped up against one of the vending machines picking through a bag of skittles, and when jongin approaches he passes him a water bottle he’d been holding between his thighs. it takes jongin about two large gulps to down half the bottle.

 

 

“how did it go?”

 

 

jongin passes the bottle back to sehun and pats his face with the backs of his hands. the sweat rolling down his neck is quite unpleasant. “i think it went well.”

 

 

 

 

sehun gets a call back from the gallery about a week or so later, but they don’t want him as a featured artist. instead, they call to offer him a small display in the local artists exhibit. it’s better than nothing.

 

 

“i like this one.” jongin says. he turns the paper around to show sehun. sehun doesn’t even look up.

 

 

“i don’t. i don’t want to use anything from that collection.” he replies.

 

 

“i think they’re your best.”

 

 

sehun doesn’t answer.

 

 

“i’m going to get lunch.” jongin states. he sets the drawing down on sehun’s desk as he walks by. he pauses in the doorway. “do you want anything?”

 

 

“a burger.”

 

 

jongin hums in acknowledgement before leaving.

 

 

sehun glances down at the drawing jongin had laid down. he runs a finger over the lines. he wipes the charcoal from his fingers off onto his pantleg and walks out to the livingroom.

 

 

their apartment is a mess. clean clothes are strewn across table chairs with the promise of being folded “soon”, while a pizza box and an assortment of candy wrappers litter the coffee table. there’s also a pile of dishes in the sink coated in food sehun has no recollection of eating. he turns the armchair to face out the window so he doesn’t have to look at it.

 

 

pulling his sweater off sehun slumps down in the chair and brings his knees up to his chest. he balls up the sweater and sets it in his lap. he leans over the side of the armrest to pick up a sketchbook from atop a pile of magazines and sets it over the sweater.

 

 

he shoves his hand in the crack between the chair and cushion. he knows there’s at least one pencil wedged in there, but he pulls a pen out instead.

 

 

staring out at the street he tries to think of something, anything, to sketch, but by the time jongin returns all he’s done is drawn half of a tree and a calligraphic s.

 

 

“sorry I took s-so long.” jongin gasps for air as if he’d been running. he sets a mcdonald’s bag down on the empty pizza box and wipes the sweat from his temple. “I got a-a call back for the auditions.”

 

 

sehun tips his head back to look over at him. “you got a part?”

 

 

“yes!” jongin shouts happily.

 

 

sehun sets his sketchbook on the armrest, balances the pen on top, and gets up. he tosses his sweater onto the couch and walks over to jongin to kiss the corner of his mouth. “congratulations.”

 

 

“one of the backup dances sprained his ankle, so i’m replacing him.”

 

 

“when is it again?” sehun asks. he brings a hand up to rest on the small of jongin’s back.

 

 

“february 19.”

 

 

“19th.” sehun frowns. “that’s the same day as the exhibit.”

 

 

“we can still do both.” jongin replies as he picks up the takeout bag and carries it to the kitchen table. “the show is in the evening. we can go to the exhibit sometime in the day.”

 

 

“but i-”

 

 

“sehun.” jongin says in a tone a lot harsher than intended, “i’m doing this.”

 

 

“the gallery opens at four thirty.”

 

 

“i’m not dropping out, please don’t ask me to.” jongin empties the bag and flattens it against the table in an effort to keep himself from looking at sehun.

 

 

sehun picks up one of the wrapped burgers and walks back to the arm chair.

 

 

 

 

 

he doesn’t see jongin around as often for the next couple of weeks, or rather, he doesn’t make an effort to seek him out. jongin is out most of the day while sehun stays cooped inside, and when he returns home they hardly talk.

 

 

usually jongin returns having already eaten and goes straight to be, no good morning, no good night, and sehun finds himself waking up on the couch to a pot of cold coffee.

 

 

“do you want to watch a movie?” jongin asks one evening. he’s sitting in the kitchen browsing through his phone with disinterest while sehun lounges on the couch.

 

 

“no, not really.” sehun replies.

 

 

“tv?”

 

 

“no.”

 

 

“are you tired?” without waiting for a response jongin shuts off his phone and stands. “let’s go to bed.”

 

 

sehun sets his own phone down on the couch and follows jongin.

 

 

jongin is already in bed when sehun walks in. he’s curled up just a bit and facing the window; back to the door.

 

 

a side table lamp provides the only light in the room and sehun turns it off before stripping down to his boxers. he pulls the blankets back and climbs in to join jongin. he tucks the blankets in at his sides before shuffling closer to his boyfriend.

 

 

he curls around jongin’s slightly smaller frame and presses his knees to the underside of jongin’s thighs. jongin leans back into him as best as he can in their current position. sehun wraps his arms around jongin’s waist and jongin links their fingers together out of habit.

 

 

they lay in silence for a while, long enough that sehun thinks jongin has fallen asleep, but when he calls out his name jongin perks up.

 

 

“what is it sehun?”

 

 

“i called the gallery yesterday to turn down their offer.”

 

 

jongin tries to turn over, but sehun tightens his hold to keep him from doing so.

 

 

“i don’t make an effort to support you, and i toss you to the side to take care of myself.” sehun’s voice is hushed, and strained, “i want you see you dance.”

 

 

“but your art-”

 

 

“there’ll be more opportunities, right? but if i lose you that’s it.”

 

 

“i’m not going anywhere.” jongin adds in.

 

 

“i’m not the most supportive or the most loving, but i do love you jongin.”

 

 

“i love you too.”

 

 

sehun kisses the top of jongin’s spine and presses his face to the back of jongin’s neck. “so, so much,” he whispers.  


**Author's Note:**

> i want to thank everyone for their comments and just the positive response this fic has received overall. _desultory_ is the first fic i've ever written for an exchange and the first fandom fic i've ever written to reach 1k+, so although it might not be the best it's definitely special to me. i want to thank raven especially for helping me through the process and for beta'ing the original fic.


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